Well, he came into the world on Mother’s Day and has now made it to his first Father’s Day. It was a relatively peaceful and relaxing day all told, mainly sleeping and feeding and playing and that’s about it. And you know what? That’s just peachy!
(OK, OK…Julia would never let me post this if I didn’t mention that there were presents involved. She’s right, I’ve gotten to like getting presents a lot more since we’ve met…though I’ll always maintain that I prefer being on the giving end of it. A magnet with my wonderful son’s picture for the fridge, a larger picture for the growing collection on my desk at work, and the musical table from Leap Frog I’ve been salivating over for quite a while now…and YES, HE WILL GET HIS TURNS ON IT AS WELL!)
This has been a wonderful day for reflection as well. Nicholas and I spent a good portion of the morning together as he slept off a feeding of the good stuff whilst Mommy was off getting some much needed rest.
This was my first Father’s Day and none of the ones that follow will ever be quite the same again. It was sobering to consider just how far we’ve come along and how much we’ve changed this past month. But I’m even more surprised at the radical changes I’ve seen in myself along the way.
First off, I don’t think I ever really and truly appreciated Father’s Day or what it meant. Oh, there were the cards and the good wishes for the day for my father but I never really considered myself being the target of it until now. I was a bit surprised to find out just how much it’s meant to me…the fact that I have a very important role to play and a young son who is trusting me to do just that and to do it right. If I needed more proof of that, all I needed to see was Nicholas laying there on my lap quite peacefully and utterly trusting that someone is looking out for him and will protect him against whatever the world throws at him.
Seeing that changes you in a way that just can’t be described until you’re there and experiencing it! If that’s not a life-altering epiphany, I don’t know what is… particularly for a first child of my own where the first month was alternating between feeling utterly incompetent with huge clumsy hands and a little wriggle-worm of a baby during diaper changes and clothing changes and the absolute joy of holding and feeding him.
Which leads me to the second epiphany about how much Father’s Day meant to my father. I could hear it in his voice tonight…he’s been there and done that and knew without words exactly what I was feeling and experiencing. I knew exactly how much it means to him knowing that he was understood and appreciated even during the times when we didn’t see eye-to-eye. And how much it’s meant to me especially as new to the job as I am.
The third epiphany was understanding just how much more alike Dad and I are now than we ever were before. In this arena, we’re blessed with a unique relationship, one never to be duplicated. Here is one who has already done the job and one who is just starting out and both of us with one mantra in mind: represent yourself honourably or it will cost you!. It was something I understood at the time Nicholas was born but didn’t really think about it in those terms until this day. I understand him better now than I ever have before and that’s a rather awesome thought, really!
In this month, I’ve gotten much better at changing diapers and doing feedings and figuring out these clothes that had to be designed by madmen with all of these snaps in weird places. I’ve gotten better at trying to comfort him when he’s feeling less-than-stellar. I’ve gotten much better at understanding what being a father truly means. I’m not quite the incompetent boob I was when I started this journey and I’m sure I’ll get better as the time passes.
But one thing has never changed in that time: I love Nicholas more than he’ll likely know and there isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for him. And I’m OK with that because I’m pretty sure that’s exactly how my father felt every day and especially on Father’s Day.
It is with these thoughts and hopes that I continue to walk the path I started several months ago and I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s great work if you can get it!.
And my great hope is that when it’s time for Nicholas to read these thoughts and pass them on to his own son or daughter that he’ll understand just how special Father’s Day is to a father…and what the job really means to those of us who do the job!
(Addendum: Today was the first day Nicholas rolled over from his back on his own power and normally they’re not that quick at doing this! Looks like we’ve got another perfectionist overachiever in the family…WOO HOO!)
